Divorce With 2 Kids, Can I Relocate?

From Nicole from Florida

My situation is this: I am divorcing my husband of 7 years because he has been unfaithful to me our entire relationship. We have two small children 5 and 10 months old. I am and always have been a homemaker and full time caregiver for our children. We have no marital assets. We rent the house we are in now our car is leased etc. The only thing we share is our children. Who I have been with full time because of him working. When I came into the marriage I had a full time job of course, a credit score of 720 and a bran new leased Honda. After my first child was born I stopped working and the responsibility of keeping a full time job was put on my husband who’s track record of holding down a job is not so good. Due to his lazy work ethic and bad decision making combined with his terrible spending habits… We lost our home and went into foreclosure. My car got repossessed and I had to file for bankruptcy because all these things were in my name only! I am currently looking for a full time position and going back to work. We will have to put our children in daycare. I have not worked in awhile and am hoping to find something but will be starting all over again and at the bottom. It is going to be almost impossible for me to work f/t and pay for daycare f/t for 2 kids plus rent and car. My family is all in NY, they are willing to help. In NY I would have free daycare a place to live comfortably with my two kids for no cost. I could get a full time job easily and support them comfortably because I have the support of my family. They would be surrounded by loved ones and taken care of as they should be. Here it would be a struggle to make ends meet… Daily day to day. I know and realize that my husband is the father and has rights to his children and I would never say he can’t see them. My question is… Is it so cut and dry? You cant leave the state because they have a father here? I need his permission. Does my circumstance have any bearing? Can the child support be used to come see the children for flights. I want what’s best for my children. They are not used to any other lifestyle besides mom taking care of them. He is saying he wants them and that he would never let them leave. But it is to spite me because he has shown time and time again…. He can’t handle it. I don’t want my children to suffer. Please help in providing me some info on this. Do I have a chance at this argument? Thank you in advance, Nicole

Answer:

Your situation is a tough one. I’m glad to hear that you are not trying to make a decision based on finances alone and that you are concerned about your children’s father being in their lives. That being said, you have a valid concern over how to manage financially. There are many different factors which need to be thought about before deciding to relocate and you have mentioned most of them. The term “best interests of the children” is what you need to pay most attention to in your decision making.
Having both parents in your children’s lives is of course in the “best interests of the children,” but so is their parents’ financial stability. A lot of my customers with this type of decision have been helped by them writing down all the reasons to stay and all the reasons to move. Then they decide whether each reason is either in the best interests of the children or if it is simply an emotional choice. The reasons you gave of the accessibility of child care (your family) and a place to live at no cost allowing you to obtain a full time job and support your children are very strong arguments in your desire to move up North. The judge has the final say if you and your Husband cannot agree. Working something out to make sure that he will be able to see the children can only help you. It is probably better that you address this before you move though because if your husband fights it not only will it be disruptive for your children to have to move back if the judge orders, but the cost of handling a case in court in Florida while living in New York will definitely become a strain.

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